I have hurt my spouse...

It's hard enough to confess to the pain my sin has produced in my own life. It is an entirely different agony to confess I have wounded my spouse. I would rather take all the punishment on my own shoulders rather than admit she bears the blows of my self-centeredness as well. But such confession must be reached if I am to be the man of God He envisions me to be.

I think one of the reasons it is so hard for me to admit I have hurt my spouse is because it means I'm not the knight in shining armor mounted on the white horse coming to her rescue. Instead, I must confess my weaknesses, fears, and selfishness. But in my pride I often attempt to "act" in ways I believe she would expect - noble, heroic, confident. Underneath this thin facade, however, is often a trembling, confused, larger-than-life scaredy-cat desperately praying she won't learn I am a fraud.

There is wonderful news, however, in regard to confessing the wounds I have caused in my spouse. One benefit is that nothing remains hidden. I can throw away all the masks hiding my fears and flaws. And since my spouse has stuck around after seeing the "real me" I can also breathe a sigh of relief, finally aware that my fears of rejection or abandonment were unfounded - she really does love me!

A second benefit to confessing the ways I have hurt my spouse is that I can now lead her fearlessly to the One capable of meeting all her felt and unfelt needs: Jesus Christ. I don't have to pretend that I can be her savior. I can rest in the assurance that as I point her to Christ she will become my cherished companion and lover - the mate I always dreamed of. She is then free and confident to be herself before me, knowing that Christ is her refuge and strength. We truly become one.

As difficult as it is to admit fault in inflicting emotional scars on my wife, it frees me (and her) to enjoy the gift of grace and embark on the always adventurous journey of love.

Risking to journey,

jonathan