Are Setbacks Normal?

I get asked this question a lot from people working on recovering from sexual addiction, "Are setbacks a normal part of the recovery process?" Let me share an answer I recently wrote to this question.

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This is a long distance race, not a sprint.

To answer your question about setbacks directly, "Yes, setbacks are part of the journey!" Now, this doesn't mean we don't seek to deal with them, adjust our purity plan, and strive for deeper intimacy with God. It simply means that no one does "life" (or recovery) perfectly. There are bumps in the road - some bigger than others. I am convinced that the key to increasing consistency in a lifestyle of purity is how a man responds to setbacks. When setbacks ( i.e. a slip up) occur, will he cower in shame and self-hatred (a very common, normal response), or will he confess it, acknowledge that the journey is long, and seek to improve from it? The ones who respond with perseverance are the ones who "make it" in the long run. (But even those who "make it" still have setbacks, they just seem to get smaller and smaller as the journey progresses)

I want to encourage you to see the journey for what it is - a process of becoming something you aren't today. In other words, keeping in mind that God is in the process of transforming you into the reflection of His Son, Jesus. None of us will reach a point in this life where we reflect him perfectly, but we can grow increasingly "clean" to where the reflection improves. This, however, takes time, patience, humility, and LOTS of perseverance! It has been my experience and observation that "success" in the arena of purity is most likely achieved by those men and women who reach a point where they resolve to NEVER GIVE UP no matter how tough the journey gets, or how many setbacks they experience. Persistence is KEY to long-term growth.

Keep filling your mind with God's Word. The Psalms are a great place to camp out for learning how to recognize and express emotions. Some other good reading spots in the Word are Proverbs, Romans, and the Gospels. Really study the life of Christ and ask God to give you a soft heart that is receptive to His leading. The real "goal" of working toward a lifestyle of purity isn't so you never struggle with temptation again (there will always be temptation lurking nearby), but rather to grow in your intimacy with God and others. Most often, we who struggle with sexually addictive behaviors, have a real problem attaching emotionally to other people, and even God. So, we must engage other people in genuine, emotional relationships. This is usually where most sex addicts bail out or get stuck - it's just so hard to connect when you have developed a life that is used to isolation. But it's a must - connect!

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Let me know your thoughts, especially those of you who have faced various setbacks on your own personal purity journey. Through sharing and encouraging one another we might just improve our ability to avoid some of these setbacks in the future.

One step at a time,

jonathan