Purity and...Finances?

What does the hard work of cleaning up your sexually addictive behaviors have to do with your finances? A lot! At least more than you might initially realize. I have learned this simple, yet profound truth over my years of recovery: your weakest area affects every aspect of your life.

For those whose weakest area is sexual lust, this struggle will affect relationships, work, and even finances. Besides the obvious connection between lust and finances (pornography grosses over $12 billion per year in the U.S.), the pattern of lustful thinking affects a persons ability to manage money well. "Lust thinking" creates fantasy-based reasoning and self-centeredness that rarely considers the well being of others, even family. The money trail simply follows this self-absorbed mindset until eventually a real financial mess is made.

Most sex addicts who contact our ministry are in really bad shape financially and don't immediately see any connection between their financial mess and their sexual addiction. They carry lots of debt, continue to spend more than they make, and believe that financial stress is simply a fact of life they must embrace. They disconnect their addiction from their money management. However, when examined more closely it becomes apparent that the patterns of false belief and reasoning they use to act out sexually are eerily similar to the delusional patterns of thinking used to manage their finances. In fact, in most cases, the pattern is exactly the same.

What are these patterns? I want to share the top 3 patterns of false belief and reasoning that perpetuate a person's sexual addiction and their poor money management.

1. My sexuality/money is mine.

God owns everything. He owns the stars, the earth, the animals, you, me, and all the "stuff" that exists. Even your sexuality and your money. When you believe that your body is your own, to do with what you please, without regard to the One who made it, you most often will choose to use it in some unhealthy ways. Sexual addiction can include the false belief that you are in control of your body. The same false belief can lead to spending your money in ways that are not wise. Your sexuality and your money are not your own.

2. I am a victim of my environment.

Many sexual addicts have suffered terrible abuse. This abuse is real and it is truly heartbreaking. But there is a vast difference between suffering abuse and living as a victim. Victim thinking is prevalent in our society today. It seems that everyone's ailments and difficulties are someone else's fault. But a point comes in life where you must decide who is going to be responsible for your life: you or someone else. While you may have experienced horrific abuses in your past (and believed you would never amount to anything; personally, financially, or otherwise), your future does not need to be determined by it. You don't have to live as a victim of your environment.

3. I deserve the best.

This false belief trips up a lot of people because it almost sounds true. Shouldn't I strive for excellence and shoot for the stars? Yes. But no one deserves the best. What if you do your best and you still don't get the promotion you hoped for at work? What if you are working hard on becoming a man or woman of purity and your spouse leaves you anyway? If you have an "I deserve the best" mentality you will grow bitter and resentful. You and I don't have a right to "happiness" (even our founding fathers only protected our right to pursue happiness). The truth is that because of sin we deserve death and hell, and it is only by the grace of God through Christ that we can avoid such a fate.

To want something is different than believing I deserve it. It is good to want a promotion, or want a raise, or want a better marriage. But when you believe you deserve it (because of your great reviews at work or your faithfulness in cleaning the dishes at home), you lose sight of the realities of life. Life is not fair - financially or emotionally. Those who embrace this truth are much better equipped to be delighted when promotions are earned or marriage enrichment occurs, and less disappointed when they don't.

The good news for those willing to work on their primary area of weakness is that as you do you will see many other areas of your life come together in remarkable, unexpected ways. I know I was amazed to see how much better I managed my money when I began to manage my sexuality. So, take a risk. Ask God to help you begin working today on that one, big secret area of struggle in your life. As you do, the return on your investment is immeasurable.

Investing in life,

jonathan