Why So Many Disappointments?

I had a colleague mention to me a study he recently read that found the average American is faced with roughly twenty disappointments each day. These disappointments can range in severity from getting caught at a red light on the way to work to finding out your spouse wants a divorce. His comment got me thinking about the very real truth that disappointment is a fact of life. I can't say it has been an entirely pleasant array of thoughts, but it was ultimately very encouraging. I hope you also will be encouraged by the lessons I am learning about the value of disappointments.

Over the past week I have examined my own life and tried to be aware of the various disappointments I face on a daily basis. It has been a rather enlightening examination. And the statistics seem to bear out in my personal life; about 20 disappointments daily. I forget to set the alarm so I start off the day thirty minutes behind. I stub my toe in the dark as I fumble around for clothing and shoes. I look at my to-do list at the end of the day and realize I barely completed half of it. I expect my two o'clock appointment to begin on time, but instead it starts fifteen minutes late. Then I have to make it across town for another meeting, only to run into traffic due to a stalled vehicle on the road. Over and over again my life is met with varying degrees of disappointments. And I am left with choice after choice of how I will manage them.

I must admit that I have a long way to go before I reflect Christlike character in my management of life's numerous disappointments. But I think I'm growing (at least in my understanding of them, anyway). In dealing with thousands of sex addicts, I have come to realize that much of what drives us to act out sexually is born out of mismanaging disappointment. Sex addicts come to believe (falsely) that sex is their greatest need and that life should generally go their way. Any obstacles (disappointments) that come in the way of such goals only intensify the lustful desires to act out. And since such behavior never satisfies the deep longings of our hearts, we are faced with yet another disappointment. Thus, the cycle only continues.

Some out there may say, "What you just described is how you make your way in life. You face the obstacles to your goals and intensify your fight to overcome them. That's called getting ahead." I would argue that such thinking for a Christian is called "getting stuck." The aim of the Christian life has never been to "get ahead," but rather to "remain under." Jesus said, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5) Never once does Jesus instruct us to "get ahead" in our lives. His instruction is always about remaining under the authority, grace, and power of God. As he said to his disciples, "Follow me."

I do not intend to make light of the disappointments you might face in life. They are real. They are tough. But they have a purpose. I used to believe that disappointments were from the devil. I now believe that the majority of the disappointments I face are from the merciful hand of God, used as powerful opportunities to grow me up into maturity. James, the brother of Jesus, put it this way, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds (disappointments!), because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-3) Trials, or disappointments, are actually wonderful opportunities to develop endurance that leads to spiritual maturity. Is this how you see the various disappointments in your life? As opportunities for spiritual growth?

I want to encourage you today to consider a different perspective on the disappointments you face in life. Rather than seeing them as nagging hindrances to your "get ahead" agenda, begin to view them as merciful gifts from God which allow you to grow into the man or woman God designed you to be: mature and complete, not lacking anything. God can take the most frustrating of disappointments and use them to mold you into the very image of His Son. Will you let Him perform this miracle in you the next time you are disappointed?

Blessed by trials,

jonathan

Men of Purity, Passion, & Purpose (MP3)

Last year I developed a workshop for men entitled Becoming a Man of Purity, Passion, & Purpose (or "MP3"). This workshop was designed to help men catch a vision for their lives that would help them achieve their God-given purpose in life. This is a one-day workshop comprised of three main sessions.

Our ministry (www.bebroken.com) has finally completed packaging these sessions in CD format with a companion workbook for any men (or groups) who would like to go through the material. It is excellent for small groups or men's Bible studies who want to ignite their men to a new level of intensity in their pursuit of biblical manhood.

If you would like to learn more about ordering this powerful resource, you may do so by calling toll free 1.800.49.PURITY or clicking here.

MP3 Kit Contains:

• Three 1-hour teaching sessions on two CD's


• Companion workbook


• Personal Evaluation & Inventory worksheet


• Personal Purity Battle Plan

If you have any questions about the MP3 Workshop Audio Kit please email us at contact@bebroken.com.

The Inefficiency of God

I attended a ministry workshop last year with my wife. We were there to learn about how to prevent burnout when working in full time ministry. The speaker made a comment in one of his teaching sessions that really floored me. He said, "God is extremely inefficient in His character." I didn't really know how to react to such a statement. I leaned in, blinked my eyes a few times to remove any mental cobwebs, and waited to hear what he might say next to clarify this perplexing comment.

He went on to say that God, if He were efficient, would carefully measure everything He did. Why place a million flowers on a field in South America that no person may ever see? Why fill the sky with billions of stars in galaxies we will never know about? Why create thousands of sea creatures when just a few dozen would have gotten the point across about His creativity? If a business analyst in the 21st century were to evaluate "God's business" he would have to conclude that the operation is running at a loss. There is too much extravagance. God does not operate "efficiently."

As I pondered this idea, a powerful truth began to sink in - and I rejoiced at the inefficiency of God. What if God were efficient in His dealings with me, a stubborn, selfish child? What hope would I have if He were not one who poured out His love, lavished His mercy, and filled me to overflowing with His grace? The extravagance of God has been offered to me. I am, therefore, thankful for the inefficiency of God.

The longer I thought about this truth the more I was convicted of how I treat other people. I became painfully aware that I often interact with others in ways that attempt to measure everything, a way that is "efficient." I attempt to keep everything "even" between me and others. They pay me a compliment, I return the compliment. I borrow something, I lend something. Measure, measure, measure. My heart grew sad as I thought of how this must break God's heart to see His children, who have been given the keys to the doorway of heaven, selfishly mete out the bare minimum of blessing on those around them. Jesus spoke of such inconsistency when he shared the parable of the unmerciful servant.

He said, "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents (millions) was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii (pennies). He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.

"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'

"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt."

God refuses to "measure out" His goodness, grace, mercy, and love toward us. He refuses to contain Himself when it comes to showering peace, purity, and promise. He gives and gives and gives. He is the inefficient God, whose purposes far exceed any measurement. You see, God is interested in our hearts. He wants a relationship with us. You don't measure relationship. You cannot measure love. This is the heart of God: mercy and compassion for wretched sinners like you and me.

I have been challenged by this truth. I must wake up each day and take an honest look in the mirror and ask myself if I am willing to reflect the heart of God today. It can be a tough question when the busyness and trappings of this world compete for my attention. I am tempted to "measure" my kindnesses or generosity, feeling such sacrifices carry with them an added burden. But what I am learning is that "[his] yoke is easy and [his] burden is light." When I reflect the heart of God, I carry no burden because God provides immeasurably beyond what I could even ask or imagine.

Rejoice with me for the inefficiency of God...and ask Him to be reflected in you today.

A Call to Courage

I don't make resolutions at the beginning of the year. Maybe it's my rebellious tendencies, or maybe I just got tired of making them and breaking them all the time. Whatever the case, I don't make them. However, I am going to challenge you (and, I suppose, myself) to do something this year that has the potential to change the world - literally.

But before I issue this challenge I want to look back over the past year and take a peek at what was, or wasn't, happening in the church in regards to sexual purity. As I reflect on the church's response to sexually broken people I find stories that are both encouraging and deeply disturbing. For instance, I listened to a man tell me his story of how he finally mustered enough courage to share with his pastor his struggle with pornography. He desperately wanted help and thought his pastor would offer him guidance and support. Unfortunately, this man was handed the phone number of a counselor on the opposite side of town and rarely spoken to again by the pastor. Eventually, this man left the church because he couldn't carry the burden of shame associated with his membership there.

On the flip side, there have also been stories of great hope this past year in the church. I heard of a pastor who preached a multi-part series on pornography, lust, and the need for purity. He wasn't afraid to share his own struggles with temptation and the mighty battle he fought each day to walk in purity. He took a great "career risk" in sharing so openly, but he also opened many doors for the hurting, silent men (and women) in his church who quietly wondered if they could ever find a way out of their sexual sin.

So, you might be wondering what this challenge is that will supposedly "change the world." It is actually pretty simpe, yet rarely undertaken. If you would take this challenge you would become a beacon of hope on a hilltop and lead countless people into a life-changing relationship with Jesus Christ. Here is the challenge:

Be a consistent, persistent voice for purity in your local church.

Not rocket science, is it? Yet, how many churches in this world have a champion for purity? How many churches could you walk into next Sunday morning looking for help with a pornography problem and be given clear direction on how to find help in that church? Too often I see churches turning away their own members, sending them to a "professional" who has no connection with their church at all, and refusing to continue to check in on how the individual is doing. This is not God's intention for His church.

The church is God's instrument for healing, hope, and growth for believers. His church is the "hospital" for the soul. There are countless men and women each week filing into churches around the world who are ensnared in the ugliness and pain of sexual sin, yet are finding no real hope for freedom from their bondage. This must not be. You can help restore the mission of the church in your local congregation.

The good news is that you need no special training or skill to accept this challenge. The only "qualifier" is whether you have a desire to see people live in freedom and wholeness. If so, you can carry this mantle. It isn't easy. It takes courage and surrender. Even Jesus fought and struggled with the idea of bearing the pain of the cross. For us to follow Him and "share in His sufferings" requires sacrifice, trusting that He will accomplish through us what we are unable to accomplish on our own.

There is a world out there full of lost, crippled brothers and sisters. And this dark world is setting up camp in the church. The light of hope in God's church has grown dim in recent years. Will you help stoke the fires of freedom, redemption, purity, and peace? You could be the spark in your local body that could light your city on fire with a message that God's church is still the place to come when life threatens to overwhelm you.

If you would like to learn more about our 40-Day Challenge (a good way to get motivated for becoming a voice for purity), visit www.menofpurity.com.