Why Are We Not Ashamed?

Is there such a thing as healthy shame? I spend a lot of time in our ministry helping people overcome the negative effects of shame, the kind of self-loathing thinking that causes a person to believe that he or she is worthless. This kind of shame eats away at the core of a person's identity, stealing away the truth that God made man in His own image. A person can thus begin to believe that God made a mistake when He made them, and they therefore live their lives in a state of depression and despair. This is obviously unhealthy shame. But is all shame the same? Is all shame wrong or negative or unhelpful?

I would propose there is such a thing as healthy shame. The problem is that such shame is growing rarer and rarer in our world today. We are losing the very necessary emotion of feeling ashamed. And our growing numbness to this sense of shame is largely due to our lack of acknowledging the very basic laws of God. We no longer believe in absolute morality, in absolute truth. We have, in our arrogance and pride, made all things relative.

Let me illustrate this through a very simple example. God tells us in the Bible that He hates lying. It is an absolute. Lying is wrong. Yet today in our culture lying is rarely even blushed over. In fact, if you are really good at it you can even hold positions of great power. Lying has almost become a type of sport among politicians, lawyers, mechanics, and many others. The best liar "wins." We have lost our sense of shame over lying because we have moved God's standard to fit our own desires, our own ideas of what is right or wrong.

To be ashamed is to feel embarrassment over one's guilt. But in order to feel such embarrassment, one must first have a sense of guilt. If the line of what is true or false keeps getting pushed to fit an individual's personal preference, then guilt can eventually be eradicated, at least from that individual's perspective. If guilt, a sensing that one's behavior is not right, is eliminated, then feeling ashamed isn't even possible. This is a dangerous place for an individual, or culture, to live.

Now let's look at this problem through the lens of rampant sexual sin in our country. There has been an exponential increase in pornography use in the past 15 years, largely due to the advent of the Internet. Also, our national media has repeatedly pushed the envelope on what is deemed acceptable programming. Mix in with this the resistance of organizations like the American Psychological Association of acknowledging sexual addiction as an actual problem and you will arrive at the state we are in now: a sexually saturated culture that doesn't even recognize its own depravity. Guilt is being erased from our vocabulary.

Regardless of this cultural slide, there is absolute truth. God's standards do not waver, regardless of the times we may live in. Because of this there is hope for those trapped in the lies of their sin. We don't have to flap around in the winds of our own morality, but rather we can plant our lives in the solid foundation of God's law, His standard for our lives. But this hope for change actually must come through a renewed sense of guilt.

Something that comes as a bit of a shock for most people desiring to break free from sexually addictive patterns is the overwhelming sense of guilt they feel when they start learning just how far their lives have fallen short of God's standard. But that is actually a good thing. That is the beginning of change, because it is at this point of brokenness that God can come in and transform a life. Brokenness, feeling ashamed over our guilt, is really where God's Spirit moves in us and brings life, true life, into our existence. The truth is that we can't live a holy life apart from being filled with the Holy Spirit. So our brokenness serves as the doorway of humility that invites the living God to take hold of our lives in such a way as to change us; from the inside out.

Do you feel ashamed or distressed over your sin? Do you even know where you are falling short? Examine your life today in light of God's Word. Don't be afraid to take an honest assessment of where you fall short. Bring your failings and your guilt before God in humility. When you do, God will meet you with His grace and lift your head out of the sorrow of your sin into the joy of His holiness. Let us be courageous in bringing back a healthy sense of shame over the great sins we have committed, individually and as a culture. And may God have mercy on us for so arrogantly ignoring His truth.

Grateful for absolute truth,

jonathan