Why Are We Not Ashamed?

Is there such a thing as healthy shame? I spend a lot of time in our ministry helping people overcome the negative effects of shame, the kind of self-loathing thinking that causes a person to believe that he or she is worthless. This kind of shame eats away at the core of a person's identity, stealing away the truth that God made man in His own image. A person can thus begin to believe that God made a mistake when He made them, and they therefore live their lives in a state of depression and despair. This is obviously unhealthy shame. But is all shame the same? Is all shame wrong or negative or unhelpful?

I would propose there is such a thing as healthy shame. The problem is that such shame is growing rarer and rarer in our world today. We are losing the very necessary emotion of feeling ashamed. And our growing numbness to this sense of shame is largely due to our lack of acknowledging the very basic laws of God. We no longer believe in absolute morality, in absolute truth. We have, in our arrogance and pride, made all things relative.

Let me illustrate this through a very simple example. God tells us in the Bible that He hates lying. It is an absolute. Lying is wrong. Yet today in our culture lying is rarely even blushed over. In fact, if you are really good at it you can even hold positions of great power. Lying has almost become a type of sport among politicians, lawyers, mechanics, and many others. The best liar "wins." We have lost our sense of shame over lying because we have moved God's standard to fit our own desires, our own ideas of what is right or wrong.

To be ashamed is to feel embarrassment over one's guilt. But in order to feel such embarrassment, one must first have a sense of guilt. If the line of what is true or false keeps getting pushed to fit an individual's personal preference, then guilt can eventually be eradicated, at least from that individual's perspective. If guilt, a sensing that one's behavior is not right, is eliminated, then feeling ashamed isn't even possible. This is a dangerous place for an individual, or culture, to live.

Now let's look at this problem through the lens of rampant sexual sin in our country. There has been an exponential increase in pornography use in the past 15 years, largely due to the advent of the Internet. Also, our national media has repeatedly pushed the envelope on what is deemed acceptable programming. Mix in with this the resistance of organizations like the American Psychological Association of acknowledging sexual addiction as an actual problem and you will arrive at the state we are in now: a sexually saturated culture that doesn't even recognize its own depravity. Guilt is being erased from our vocabulary.

Regardless of this cultural slide, there is absolute truth. God's standards do not waver, regardless of the times we may live in. Because of this there is hope for those trapped in the lies of their sin. We don't have to flap around in the winds of our own morality, but rather we can plant our lives in the solid foundation of God's law, His standard for our lives. But this hope for change actually must come through a renewed sense of guilt.

Something that comes as a bit of a shock for most people desiring to break free from sexually addictive patterns is the overwhelming sense of guilt they feel when they start learning just how far their lives have fallen short of God's standard. But that is actually a good thing. That is the beginning of change, because it is at this point of brokenness that God can come in and transform a life. Brokenness, feeling ashamed over our guilt, is really where God's Spirit moves in us and brings life, true life, into our existence. The truth is that we can't live a holy life apart from being filled with the Holy Spirit. So our brokenness serves as the doorway of humility that invites the living God to take hold of our lives in such a way as to change us; from the inside out.

Do you feel ashamed or distressed over your sin? Do you even know where you are falling short? Examine your life today in light of God's Word. Don't be afraid to take an honest assessment of where you fall short. Bring your failings and your guilt before God in humility. When you do, God will meet you with His grace and lift your head out of the sorrow of your sin into the joy of His holiness. Let us be courageous in bringing back a healthy sense of shame over the great sins we have committed, individually and as a culture. And may God have mercy on us for so arrogantly ignoring His truth.

Grateful for absolute truth,

jonathan

Evaluating "Innocent" Behavior

Are all innocent behaviors really innocent? I don't mean to get all up in your business here, but we need to explore the issue of motives when it comes to the things we think, say, and do. (Don't worry, this article is just as convicting for me...) I want to evaluate the following statement to see if there is any truth in it.

"Innocent behavior done with impure motives is sin."

Another way to state this might be the way God Himself said it, "Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (1 Sam. 16:7b)

Motives matter. But how often do we weigh our motives with brutal honesty and integrity? I must admit that I am prone to be lazy in assessing or even acknowledging my motives for many of my behaviors. I can easily "drift" through daily life without so much as glancing at the underlying intentions of my heart. I'm not quick to ask myself the question Why? prior to speaking or acting. But it is crucial that I do ask the question because God is more interested in how I manage my inside man than how my behaviors appear to others.

I think if we got honest about our motives for why we do the things we do we would be shocked at how often our intentions are selfish. Again, I'm not trying to beat you up here - the first blows are on my head. But think about it. Why do you get dressed up to go to church? Why do you give a dollar to the man on the street corner? Why do you take your wife out on a date or buy her roses? Why do you ask your largest client how his family is doing? What are the true motives behind the behaviors?

I'm not assuming that all our motives our selfish. That would be to assume that God cannot change our hearts and that we cannot "walk in step with the Spirit." I just wonder how much time we spend evaluating our motives and asking God to remove the pride and selfishness that is so often present in them. I am fully convinced that if we would properly weigh our motives for the activities we engage in on a daily basis, then the outer self would match the inner self (that part of us in submission to God's Spirit) and authentic faith would emerge, a faith that is compelling and attractive to a watching world.

It is time we crucify our false faith of self-promoting, image-based motives. Let us offer up our motives to the leading and control of the Holy Spirit and experience genuine love and compassion in an undivided heart. It is this kind of heart the Father seeks and with such a heart He is well pleased.

Desiring authentic faith,

jonathan

Crickets...

This is the sound I hear in my head right now: crickets chirping. I apologize for my lack of writing over the past month. The landscape of my "writing mind" seems to be a vast wasteland of colorless, barren flatness. I hope to break out of this funk soon, but until then I want to thank you all for your patience with my wrestling through this "blog wilderness" season. Please pray for me.

Oh, wait! I see a tumbleweed rolling across my desolate mind. At least my mental breeze seems to be picking up...

Maybe the crickets will go home soon.

Waiting for inspiration,

jonathan

The 2 Most Important Lessons

As I get older (and I'm not 'old' by any stretch of the imagination, so don't give me any grief) I realize that life really is simple. I mean, if you break it all down to its basics, it's not that complicated. I often laugh at how giddy we get over all the rapidly improving technological changes and tout that we are the most "advanced" country in the world. I laugh (not "ha-ha" laugh, more of a snort as I drop my head in embarrassment) because as our cell phones get fancier, our laptops get thinner, and our TV's do both, our lives get messier, more cluttered, and less contented. And in the midst of all these "advancements" we lose some of the basic essence of what it is to be human, what it means to be made in God's image. We lose faith, hope, and love. We grow tired, stressed, lonely. My laugh quickly fades to a silent, reflective sigh.

Part of my life journey to this point has included being a dad, which those of you who regularly read my blog know that my kids are a good portion of my inspiration for writing (their wisdom and wit often surpasses my own). And this journey of fatherhood has caused me to look at life through a different lens, one that sees the impact my life will have on my children. Because their eyes have been on me since the day they were born, I evaluate my actions differently. I see that what I do causes ripples, no matter how small, that flow out from my words and actions and pass through the lives of everyone around me, especially my kids. As I have taken this profound responsibility seriously, I have concluded that there are two fundamental lessons that I believe my children (and others) need to know, need to embrace, if they are to grasp what life is really all about.

These are the 2 most important lessons:

1. You are not the center of the universe.
2. You never will be.

Go ahead, you can chuckle if you want. I know I did when this simple, but oddly profound, truth hit me. If you really boil down life to these two lessons, and keep them near in your conscious mind, you will be amazed at how much more clearly you will see life. You will actually begin to learn, begin to breathe, begin to commune with others and with God himself. You might even awaken for the first time to the reality that your life actually flows from God. You see, that's the real point. There are many things in life that scratch and claw and demand that they be central (like that brand new whatchamacallit tech gizmo gadget). And the message that all these things, these materials, are screaming out is, "You deserve this because you are the center of it all." The message may be subtle (recently, not so much), but its devestation is overwhelming and long lasting.

I will admit that it's hard to learn these lessons. I may go through seasons where I can grasp, and possibly even embrace the first lesson. Sure, I know I'm not the center of the universe, but my mind still plays tricks on me. I might say with my mouth and even think in my mind that I'm not at the center, but I forget to communicate that truth to my heart. And since it is out of the heart that we truly live, my behaviors will actually cater to the lie that I'm at the center. Then I wonder with disbelief why I suffer the consequences I do when the fruit of that lie is produced in my life. And that's me just trying to embrace the first lesson!

For me personally, the second lesson is actually harder to embrace. And I think in some very subtle ways the church today is even aiding us in not embracing the fact that we will never be the center of it all. I call it "formula theology." If you just get the formula right, all your dreams will come true, all the blessings will reign down, all your hurts, illnesses, doubts, troubles, and fears will be eliminated. This sounds good, I even wish it were true. But God never fits into a formula. You can't "pray a certain way" or "give x-amount of dollars" and expect to hit the blessing jackpot like you are pulling some lever on a spiritual slot machine. Formula theology ultimately stems from a premise that you and I are the central focus of life. We are not.

Now, don't get me wrong. God does love us. God cares for us deeply. But, ultimately, His love and care for us will never displace HIM at the center of it all. We came from Him, and we will return to Him (those of us who have accepted His salvation through faith in Jesus, will live forever in heaven; those who don't believe in Jesus will return to God for judgment). HE IS THE CENTER! And He always will be. This fundamental truth is a lesson that, if learned, can save a person from untold hours, months, even years of heartache, brokenness, and emptiness of trying to substitute themselves for the position reserved only for God.

These are the lessons I am teaching my kids, but I am seeking to learn them myself. In fact, I don't know if my kids could embrace these lessons if their dad was unwilling to embrace them. Therefore, I am committed to daily reminding myself that I am not the center of the universe and I never will be. And, thankfully, the One who was, who is, and who forever will be is more than capable of fulfilling such duties without strain or error. What a relief (some may call this peace).

Breathing easy off-center,

jonathan

Fear Not! "Oh, Daddy..."

This will be a short post, but thought it was worth sharing.

Well, here's another priceless gem from my youngest daughter. This morning at breakfast, it was just me, Megan, and Elaine (my wife). The other two kids were sleeping in a bit. Megan was in a talkative mood, which isn't uncommon anytime of the day. But today she was obsessed with talking about what would happen if an intruder were to try and break into our house. She kept going on and on about it, but then she paused and took a few bites of her soggy cereal while Elaine and I had a chance to chat.

After a minute or so, Megan motioned to Elaine like she was going to whisper something to her, but before Elaine could lean over Megan said, "I know what I would say to that man if he tried to get into our house."

"What would you say?" I asked.

Megan threw her head back, stuck out her chest, put her hands boldly on her hips, and proclaimed in a sing-songy voice, "Don't be afraid, FEAR NOT!" with extra special emphasis on the "fear not" part. I smiled a big smile, and was about to tell her what a great idea that was, when she immediately curled up a bit, squinted her eyes almost in a smile, and said sheepishly, "And then I'd say, 'Oh, Daddy.'" Elaine and I burst out laughing, before we went on to tell her what a great idea that was.

Isn't that just how we are sometimes with God and the struggles and fears we face in our lives? We begin to obsess over the things that frighten us, events that haven't even happened yet. God patiently stands nearby as we try to quietly figure it all out on our own. Then, when we think we have a profound answer, even an answer that sounds good and "Christian," we puff out our chest, kick back our head, and boldly proclaim how strong we would be in the face of those fears. Yet, just as quickly as we declare our fearlessness, we realize that our fears can only be relieved when we call out, "Oh, Daddy..."

How good it is to know that our Father in heaven hears our cries, understands our fears, and will embrace us and protect us, even when we attempt to overcome them on our own. And how thankful I am to have a daughter who regularly illustrates these truths to my simple mind...

Calling out to Daddy,

jonathan

GoodSearch.com - The No-Brainer Solution to Charitable Giving

Well, we finally did it. We came across the perfect solution to overcome any objection a person might have to financially supporting our ministry, Be Broken (http://www.bebroken.com/). The solution is GoodSearch.com, a search engine powered by Yahoo that donates money to non-profits just like ours - every time someone searches the Internet! Every time!!

So, no more excuses for not supporting us! If you believe in what we're doing (and who could argue with it), then you need to make GoodSearch.com a part of your everyday Internet use (make it your homepage or simply download their toolbar). After all, you always need a good search engine to find stuff online, so why not use GoodSearch.com and help us in the process?

It's super easy to use. Just go to GoodSearch.com and make sure that Be Broken is your designated charitable cause. Then search for whatever you're looking for, like that new pair of shoes, or where to go on your next vacation, or how you're going to finance that next vacation. Every search you conduct supports our outreach (as long as you've designated Be Broken as your charity).

One other cool feature of the GoodSearch.com experience is GoodSHOP.com. They have over 500 online retailers signed up with them who will donate money to our cause if you simply use them to do your normal online purchasing (up to a 37% donation!). And these aren't no-name retailers you've never heard of. It's companies like Wal-Mart, Amazon, Expedia, Best Buy, eBay, and plenty more. Just visit GoodShop.com and make sure that Be Broken is your designated charity.

Be sure to tell your friends and family also. The more who know about GoodSearch.com and use it, the more Be Broken will benefit.

Thanks ahead of time for supporting our ministry through using GoodSearch.com. Oh, and be sure to send us pictures from your upcoming vacation...

Grateful for GoodSearch,

jonathan

Life in the Slow Lane

As I was driving to work this morning, I was reminded of a powerful principle in life that leads to true peace. I can't say that I was enjoying the process of being reminded, but I was reminded nonetheless. You see, I was stuck in the "slow lane."

Oftentimes I am lost in thought while driving to work (I realize this doesn't sit well with the highway safety people, but it's the truth). This morning was no exception. But as I was thinking of all that needed to get done today (and there was a lot!), I realized that cars in the lanes on both sides of me were whizzing past while I plodded along behind an endless row of slowpokes. I thought of the old Murphy's Law, "The other line (or lane) always moves faster." Now, I don't hold all the discomforts in my life against Murphy. I've gotten to know him pretty well over the years and he's not such a bad guy once you realize that his involvement in your life is actually for your benefit. And this was the realization I had this morning as cars, and life it seemed, passed me by.

Slowing down is a good thing, a necessary thing. I, just like many of you, get swept up in the wave of the urgent, not realizing that in riding that wave I am losing my life, my peace. There is stress in the urgent, anxiety in living life too fast. No wonder anxiety medications are selling at an exponential rate. But it doesn't have to be this way for your life, for my life. We don't have to "keep up or die." No, in fact, to really live we must slow down.

I must confess, however, that I did feel the urge to swing my car violently into the passing lane and leave all those cars ahead of me in my wake. But instead, I took another sip of my coffee, exhaled deeply, and then breathed in the peace that comes from slowing down. I allowed the rush of urgency to pass by and I realized an amazing truth in doing so: my life didn't end. In fact, not only did it not end, it was enriched and revived. I was at peace in the slow lane.

What about you? Are you caught up in the wave of urgency? Is it sweeping away your peace? Try this. Close your eyes (not if you're driving, silly!), take a deep breath, and give yourself five minutes of dead time; no calls, no emails, no noise, no rush (even Limbaugh). You might be surprised at the wonderful experience of peace that comes from living life in the slow lane. I look forward to seeing you in the long line of cars with me...

Traveling in peace,

jonathan